i was more at peace with myself last year. the general feelin for happiness at.. nothing. just the day to day life. i read today in a magazine (was in the lib to do work but ended up reading lots of mags..) that everybody has this certain (different) level of contentment. u may eg strike 4D and "happiness" spikes but eventually you'll return to your normal level of contentment. i think my normal level thingy fell..

this year, thou i still dont dread school, i still laugh and go crazy w friends, there's all these undone tutorials weighting at the back of my head. and procastination gets the better of me. and it gets worst each day. if i dont do my work, i should hv a lot of time right? and which it seems i havent done anything i enjoyed for long time. seems like my life going into a freakin vacuum.

i need to constantly remind myself that seemingly big tasks can be broken down into smaller, more managable tasks. or i'll freak out. lol.

i may have even come to dislike myself, irritated at my lack of will and that's horrid for selfconfidence/selfesteem.

i'm just drifting. surviving by just a bit during tutorials. but enjoying lectures w all the new stuff that's al so fresh n interestin.

maybe i should start a more regular input of caffine. Caffine has this huge effect on me. when i just started drinkin coffee a few years ago, my heart beats at an irregular accelerated rate(quite disturbin actually), my hands shake, i may get headaches. now, it's my choice of substance on mornings when my head weights a ton. it makes me alert, happy, hpyer to a fault (a lil afraid i irritate my friends lol). a lil restless. afraid freq use would numb its effect on my body, i take it sparingly.. like 2/3x a week? i think i'll hv another coffee tmr.

all these sound really low eh. lol. all the selfmotivation/jiayou stuff in penned in a real notebk thing (made of paper) so this blog is kinda loop sided!

i'm going to malaysia for CNY (oh no, alot of food n tibbits lol). hopefully i can take a step back and try find what's wrong/settle stuff within myself/just relax. i dont really like CNY.. abit like putting on a show (w the more distance relatives anyway) no? but i wanna see my grandma n uncle n aunty and just live a packed house w like more den ten ppl.

gosh this hour is making me feel really melochonic.

right. gonna sleep now w/o any work done today. again -__-.

i have read some of my friend's blog where they muse they wished they didnt that much so they cld be happier like the more simple ppl. this sure hits the spot lol.

for more savage chicken click here.

gosh. 2nd week of school and i'm still slacking. i havent done a real ounce of work! not my new tutorials, not those that ought to be done in the sch hols. niether have i review the new lecture stuff.

hv chem n bio test on tuesday and i havent started =(

shit. i need to start soon b4 i start drowning

post not done yest. resuming it now

i realised as one get older, u're more on your own. nobody's gonna ask u to go do what u're supposed to do. not your family, not your friends, not your teachers. no one to nag "oi. why're u sleeping again? why u watchin tv? why u using internet, bloggin?! done ur backlogged gazillion tutorials? studied for your tests?" come on. you're 18. u're supposed to know what u got to do.family let you be (mine anyway). friends have the same test n tutorials to worry about le, still hv time bother abt u? lol. that's why it's so easy to fall into slackmode. to not want to do anything. it's so easy to go offtrack. you're on your own.

u want to do well? nobody's gonna push you. u have to find it within yourself to really want it, summon the inner drive and determination. and just stop being to disgustingly lazy. argh dammit.

and i cannot find it in me. i cant find the motivation or determination in me.

crap! i just ran my first 3.2km in a year (both literally and from the last time i ran 3.2 lol). was a good run, didnt feel like i was dying.could do a last spurt towards home. lookinforward to finding out my timing when i pressed stop too excited. twice. n reseted it b4 i cld see!!! what the. oh well. shall find out the nxt time.

cos i havent touched my hmwk all hols, i went to lib faithfully from like 26-29th to earnesntly try do s me hmwk! but after that, i ddint touch my hmwk anymore ^^;; hee. done only 7 maclarin's n 2 bio SQ (nop, i hvnt done differientation or anything else.) and i'm not freaking out. haha

i decided. i'm gonna enjoy the rest of the holidays. sleepin at 5am, waking at 2pm (which is e time sch's gonna end for me lol), reading, watching azumanga daioh, listening to music. only then can i gan xin to chiong this year. holiday hmwk? there's lots of time to do them in 2oo6.

and so, yes. i'm planning to mug this year. jiayou everybody.

i've alot of ganxiangs about 2oo5 and i have planned my 2oo6 (during that 3.2k haha. yes, i think the whole run.) which i'm gonna pen down on real paper. blog it? no promises lol, in view of how i procastinate.

btw. College Annual cross-Country @ MacRitchie on 27 jan.

i was more at peace with myself last year. the general feelin for happiness at.. nothing. just the day to day life. i read today in a magazine (was in the lib to do work but ended up reading lots of mags..) that everybody has this certain (different) level of contentment. u may eg strike 4D and "happiness" spikes but eventually you'll return to your normal level of contentment. i think my normal level thingy fell..

this year, thou i still dont dread school, i still laugh and go crazy w friends, there's all these undone tutorials weighting at the back of my head. and procastination gets the better of me. and it gets worst each day. if i dont do my work, i should hv a lot of time right? and which it seems i havent done anything i enjoyed for long time. seems like my life going into a freakin vacuum.

i need to constantly remind myself that seemingly big tasks can be broken down into smaller, more managable tasks. or i'll freak out. lol.

i may have even come to dislike myself, irritated at my lack of will and that's horrid for selfconfidence/selfesteem.

i'm just drifting. surviving by just a bit during tutorials. but enjoying lectures w all the new stuff that's al so fresh n interestin.

maybe i should start a more regular input of caffine. Caffine has this huge effect on me. when i just started drinkin coffee a few years ago, my heart beats at an irregular accelerated rate(quite disturbin actually), my hands shake, i may get headaches. now, it's my choice of substance on mornings when my head weights a ton. it makes me alert, happy, hpyer to a fault (a lil afraid i irritate my friends lol). a lil restless. afraid freq use would numb its effect on my body, i take it sparingly.. like 2/3x a week? i think i'll hv another coffee tmr.

all these sound really low eh. lol. all the selfmotivation/jiayou stuff in penned in a real notebk thing (made of paper) so this blog is kinda loop sided!

i'm going to malaysia for CNY (oh no, alot of food n tibbits lol). hopefully i can take a step back and try find what's wrong/settle stuff within myself/just relax. i dont really like CNY.. abit like putting on a show (w the more distance relatives anyway) no? but i wanna see my grandma n uncle n aunty and just live a packed house w like more den ten ppl.

gosh this hour is making me feel really melochonic.

right. gonna sleep now w/o any work done today. again -__-.

i have read some of my friend's blog where they muse they wished they didnt that much so they cld be happier like the more simple ppl. this sure hits the spot lol.

for more savage chicken click here.

gosh. 2nd week of school and i'm still slacking. i havent done a real ounce of work! not my new tutorials, not those that ought to be done in the sch hols. niether have i review the new lecture stuff.

hv chem n bio test on tuesday and i havent started =(

shit. i need to start soon b4 i start drowning

post not done yest. resuming it now

i realised as one get older, u're more on your own. nobody's gonna ask u to go do what u're supposed to do. not your family, not your friends, not your teachers. no one to nag "oi. why're u sleeping again? why u watchin tv? why u using internet, bloggin?! done ur backlogged gazillion tutorials? studied for your tests?" come on. you're 18. u're supposed to know what u got to do.family let you be (mine anyway). friends have the same test n tutorials to worry about le, still hv time bother abt u? lol. that's why it's so easy to fall into slackmode. to not want to do anything. it's so easy to go offtrack. you're on your own.

u want to do well? nobody's gonna push you. u have to find it within yourself to really want it, summon the inner drive and determination. and just stop being to disgustingly lazy. argh dammit.

and i cannot find it in me. i cant find the motivation or determination in me.

crap! i just ran my first 3.2km in a year (both literally and from the last time i ran 3.2 lol). was a good run, didnt feel like i was dying.could do a last spurt towards home. lookinforward to finding out my timing when i pressed stop too excited. twice. n reseted it b4 i cld see!!! what the. oh well. shall find out the nxt time.

cos i havent touched my hmwk all hols, i went to lib faithfully from like 26-29th to earnesntly try do s me hmwk! but after that, i ddint touch my hmwk anymore ^^;; hee. done only 7 maclarin's n 2 bio SQ (nop, i hvnt done differientation or anything else.) and i'm not freaking out. haha

i decided. i'm gonna enjoy the rest of the holidays. sleepin at 5am, waking at 2pm (which is e time sch's gonna end for me lol), reading, watching azumanga daioh, listening to music. only then can i gan xin to chiong this year. holiday hmwk? there's lots of time to do them in 2oo6.

and so, yes. i'm planning to mug this year. jiayou everybody.

i've alot of ganxiangs about 2oo5 and i have planned my 2oo6 (during that 3.2k haha. yes, i think the whole run.) which i'm gonna pen down on real paper. blog it? no promises lol, in view of how i procastinate.

btw. College Annual cross-Country @ MacRitchie on 27 jan.